I never
knew that I could love someone so much it hurts. I mean truly and painfully
hurt. Sure when you’re growing up you go
through those moments that you think are the worst in your life and wonder if
you will ever get past them. Then you meet the man of your dreams and realize
what love is all about. But even after
that when you lay eyes on your child and your heart fills so full that it could
burst…yet 3 days later you’re walking out a door with no idea when you will be
back and your heart is breaking into a million pieces… that is the moment… that’s
when love began to truly hurt for me. It’s
the moment I stare at a picture and can barely breathe. It’s the moment I watch
a short video of her daddy playing with her that the tears come. It’s the moments I hurry back to my office at
work to check my phone to realize no one has called with information and I
wonder if I can bear another hour at work before I can make it to my car to
plead with God for tomorrow to be the day.
I tell God that I can’t do it all to know that
He will make sure I can. He wakes me every morning with a gentle reminder that
He loves her more…more than I can ever dream… a love that was willing to give
up his Son as I plead for Him to give me my daughter. I know this Love and lately these days I have
been more and more thankful for it.
We
currently have no additional information. We have no travel dates. We have no timeline.
But we do have a Father that began writing this story long before I even knew
it was ours. I’m not sure if it makes it “easier” in this earthly body of mine but
it does give me hope… hope that each night I lay my head on my pillow that I
have survived yet another day and because of that I am one day closer to
holding her.
“Wait for the Lord;
Be strong and take
heart
And wait for the
Lord."
-Psalm 27:14
